It is worth reviewing anger and aggression to have a better understanding of our emotions and work toward anger management. Often when someone feels frustrated they are liable to get really angry if their emotions are heightened. Frustration does not occur over night; rather frustration occurs when previous issues come into focus. So, frustration is a very deep, unrelieved sense or state of lack of confidence and displeasure arising from unsettled grievances or unfulfilled desires.
Anger then is the feeling a person gets when he or she does not get their way, or when a series of issues, which were buried waiting for the time to attack, rise to the surface. Aggression is a forceful act or modus operandi utilized to dominate another individual. Aggression is an argumentative, harmful or destructive mode of behavior or viewpoint particularly when caused by frustration. Aggression can be good if our lives are in danger, but in most instances aggression causes harm.
Assertiveness on the other hand is an effective method of showing your feelings to someone else individual without causing injury, havoc or antipathy. Assertiveness is a strong, bold,confident quality we have within us in order to help us to take care of our rights when others want to wrong us. If we learn the difference between aggression and assertiveness we can learn a good behavioural pattern, while controlling our life and avoiding further problems.
If you are feeling frustrated, you might want to sit down and review your beliefs, opinions, theories, reasoning etc. By reviewing the sources that make you angry, you can reduce the tension when you see anger brewing; you will then realize that it is not worth getting angry, since the causes of your frustrations are out of your control. For example, when you are evaluating yourself, you might see another point of view and conclude that your frustration is out of order.
Assertive action against an individual who has wronged you, can be far more effective than blowing a fuse. We can see from an example, how a person loses his or her temper and what consequences he or she must face because of it.
For instance, a couple of people are engaged in an argument and a fight breaks out. One of the people was accused of spreading lies about the other one. The ensuing violent episode attracts the neighbours who call the police. When the police arrive, both parties are put in handcuffs and both are taken to jail. Their problems have increased because they both may have to pay fines, court costs and, possibly, probation fees. So, one problem has led to a series of other problems but it does not stop there. When the pair has paid off all of their fines, costs etc, they will have a police record whereby everyone will judge them for the rest of their lives, viewing them as immature, violent people.
Now let’s take a look at another example were assertiveness was used in the scenario. A couple of friends are talking to each other after one person has spread lies throughout the neighborhood about the other person. The victim of the rumours walks up to his friend and says, “Why are you telling people I have a drinking problem?” The other person says, ‘I did not tell anyone you have a drinking problem”. “I don’t believe you, sorry!”, says the first person, “You told my best friend and he’s not a liar”. “Well, I thought you had a drinking problem because you are drinking every time I came by your house”.
‘Just because I have a drink every time you come to my home doesn’t mean that I have a drinking problem. I refuse to allow you to continue putting me down and nor will I allow you to visit my house again, if you continue telling lies about me. Friends don’t harm their friends. So, if you have any more worries about me, why not just talk to me about them instead of going behind my back’. What a very good job! This person did a great job asserting himself and the results will surely prove successful. Let’s see what happens next. ‘I’m really sorry; I didn’t mean to offend you. I will speak to you next time I have a problem with you. However, I am still worried that your drinking may be a problem, since you do drink every time I come around to your home’. ‘Well, OK then let’s go to my place and discuss the matter’.
