What’s this title about? Yes, I know, I’m exaggerating a bit (again) but honestly there’s a lot of truth in that statement, dither and you’re dead. How did I decide on this theme? Well, once again it was a chance comment from someone that set me thinking.
During a recent chat at work, a colleague told me about an incident when she took her deer hound to a dog show. The dog is quite young but has won quite a few prizes, some of them at big shows. At this particular show, she was all ready to be inspected by the judge, something she’s quite used to now. This time though the judge showed nervousness (dithered) as she did the ‘personal bits’ – well, it is a bit intrusive! The dog didn’t like this nervous approach at all and reacted by growling at the judge – something she never does normally. The judge became even more dithery, backing away saying, ‘Oh dear, she doesn’t seem to like that.’ And probably thought the dog was in the wrong…
Ok, what’s a dog story got to do with managing children’s behaviour? There’s not a great deal of difference between the way children react and the way dogs react when faced with someone who dithers around them! Basically, dither and you’re lost.. But, the dog story reminded me of an instance when I dithered while faced with a problem, a short time into my career of managing extreme behaviour problems.
Back then I had so much to learn about managing children displaying troubled and challenging behaviour… A boy in my class was having major problems and his unhappiness was very evident. He’d got into trouble and went outside. Spotting a skipping rope someone had left out, he put it around his neck and tightened it. And I did what? Just dithered – I wasn’t knowledgeable or skilled enough to act. Someone else who was much more experienced intervened. Matter of factly, she walked to the boy, speaking to him all the time, ‘Come on love, that’s not very clever, let me get that from you and make sure you’re safe.’ Ok, not her exact words, but near enough to get the picture.
What happened then? Well, he simply allowed the adult to take control – he sensed her confidence and this made him feel safe. He didn’t think to question what she’d asked. She kept on talking to him all the time, ‘I couldn’t imagine how the others would feel if any harm should come to you. We’d all miss you so much I you weren’t here – we all think so much of you. Come on now, and let’s make sure you keep safe.’ And that was it – incident over and sorted out!
I’m not saying that what happened is the right thing to do in every situation if you have a child threatening to harm themselves. Each situation is different and individual – the intervening action is dependent on the relationship with the child, at what point you’re intervening and other variables.
Both stories demonstrate that children (along with our canine friends!) need people who are confident around them – those who don’t dither or show nervousness. Without this children can’t feel safeguarded and secure. This means the adults have to be skilled and knowedgeable to manage children’s behaviour confidently and effectively. The result is more and more bad behaviour being prevented – makes life easier for all!! It isn’t hard to do – take the techniques on board – practise them until they’re second nature – then use them all the time.
Liz Marsden is a highly experienced behaviour management specialist, dealing with potentially challenging behaviour every day in her classes. Visit her website to learn further about her very successful strategies from her highly acclaimed book, Behaviour Bible. Liz uses her expertise to instruct fellow professionals. For further advice and information read Liz’s on-line diary.
